How should you communicate with your child’s school so that you are more likely to get what you want in special education matters? We’ve previously talked in more detail about when to get involved in school or special education issues. Let’s talk more specifically about what and how to say it when you do have to say something (and a little review about when to say anything at all).
When Should You Say ANYTHING?
First of all, let’s review the “when.” A solid rule about communicating with your child’s teacher, IEP chair, or school staff is only when necessary. If you contact your child’s school too often over small details (especially complaints), the impact of your communications when it really matters will be negatively affected. This is basic “pick your battles” advice. In fact, parents who write or call too much (and I mean when they call or write waaaay too much) may find that they are given a special “contact” at the school who is the only person they are told to communicate with. I do not agree with this practice on the part of school systems, but it happens. The “contact” is likely NOT to be your child’s teacher(s). You don’t want that.
Your level of communication should vary depending on your child’s needs and age.
- Younger children and/or students with higher needs– more communication. If your student has a higher level of needs and you need frequent communication on daily life, you should consider a formal communication plan written into the IEP.
- High school junior or seniors who can self-advocate– Almost never (exception: when the older high schooler explicitly asks for your help, or they have tried unsuccessfully and the issue is important and unresolved). For this group, expect to still be in touch about formal meetings and serious, systemic problems, but not about everyday concerns like grades or homework.
- College students– Never (instead, help guide your adult student). Colleges and Universities will not speak to parents anyway, and even if you get “consent,” trust me– they do not want to hear from you. Also, almost all college students should learn to handle administrative and advocacy issues themselves. If your college student does not have this capability, the office of disability services (or similar) should be able to help them.
- Any student who cannot communicate for themselves– Whenever and as much as you need in order to ensure your child’s safety and comfort. This changes the equation, and communication can and should be much more often. In fact, there should be a formal communication system in place for daily communication. However, important issues should still be addressed formally, in writing, via email, separate from the daily communication system/log.
If you want my full input on the issue of when to communicate with your child’s school, it’s here, and here is another good resource on school advocacy.
What To Say And How To Say It
- In writing. It is important to create a record of your communications– since you are only writing about important things (RIGHT??), you will want to have a written record.
- If you send an email and the school insists on calling (not writing) you back, most of the time you will want to follow up with an email repeating everything that was discussed and asking if your understanding of the conversation is accurate. If they repeatedly call you instead of writing, ask yourself why. Are they intentionally avoiding creating a record? Why is that? Continue to follow up in writing documenting the discussion.
- Be professional. Parents should look at the special education process as a business exchange (and IEP and 504 meetings as business meetings). Write with fairly formal language, and send “professional” emails. If you find you need help with this, there are resources available (parent advocates and attorneys)!
- No emojis. No “LOLs.” And, sorry, no smiley faces. I see this a lot– you want to be friendly, and that’s a good thing. I have to resist it myself. However, you are exchanging important information. Just as you conduct yourself professionally at work (and at IEP or other school meetings), emails should be formal-ish.
- Be direct. Review everything you write to see if you can say less. Review for grammar, punctuation, spelling. Do not use common text abbreviations.
- Some parents want to soften hard conversations with smiley faces or overly enthusiastic praise. Don’t– if you are polite, respectful, and say thank you when appropriate, there is no need to soften communications about your child’s needs. Advocating assertively is your job as a parent– no one else will do it. More importantly, overly enthusiastic praise may mask the seriousness of your student’s needs or progress. This can be a problem if you later have a conflict with the 504 team, student support team, IEP team or administration. This does not mean you cannot thank teachers, or give them holiday gifts– when you have a teacher who cares about your child and is doing a great job– go for it!
- Use Email. Preferably, do not use any texting app or internal program (Class Dojo, Schoology, Google Classroom) to communicate with your child’s school, teacher, or staff. You need an easily accessible record of all of your communications, whether it’s for your own memory or for a more formal record. Use a proper email address.
- No texting, for the same reasons.
In sum, pick your battles, then communicate politely, professionally, and in writing. You will be taken more seriously this time and the next time you need to write. And there will be a next time – this is a marathon.
If you think you may need assistance communicating with your child’s school, schedule a free call to discuss how we could help you.
This blog post is for informational purposes only. It is not legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship.